Saturday, March 28, 2009

twiggy, then off to some good christian family values including glory holes and circuit parties

here's a photo of Twiggy just sent my way; she'd be way hotter without the engine, but I'm always biased that way.

Switching some major gears here, but while driving through Iowa yesterday, I luckily tuned into AFA radio - holy crap can they possibly cram more hate speech into a single hour? Perhaps, but they've got one hell of a high bar set.

The good hypocritical christians spent most of the hour expressing their disbelief that the same network that brings you the "fair Fox news" (their words) could possibly spew out this horribly offensive bile, and during family programming time at that! See, this radio show doesn't mind if you're gay, as long as you don't expect any rights; nor do they mind so much if you were to commit suicide, being gay and all. And dang if they aren't pushing their listeners to watch this episode, which of course is linked on their site; doesn't this almost always result in higher sales and viewer-ship than if they had ignored it completely? I smell a backfire.

From their site:
In this perverted episode:

  • Peter, the husband/father figure, turns gay after taking an experimental shot of the gay gene. He was paid $125 to take part of this experiment to prove that being gay is not a choice.
  • Peter and his new lover make out in a restaurant.
  • The lover tells Peter he has arranged an 11-way gay orgy.
  • Peter helps his son with his math homework and turns the problem into an explicit conversation about “glory holes” and “circuit parties,” which are references to gay sex.
  • Peter leaves his son Chris in charge of the family while he spends time with his gay partner. Upon his new role, Chris immediately passes gas in his sister’s face and knocks out his mother, Lois.
  • Peter lies in bed with his rear exposed and moans in pleasure when a horse, which he assumes is his wife, licks his rear.
  • Lois, wearing skimpy lingerie, is turned down by her now gay husband.
  • Their child, Baby Stewie, eats cereal covered with horse sperm that resembled milk kept in the refrigerator.
  • Ready? Of course you are, it's because it's hilarious!

    I've never seen this show, but I think it's high time I get a season or two going, and soon.

    Friday, March 27, 2009


    I'm a bit under the weather; me and the dog are getting outta dodge for a spell. Hopefully we can escape from the newly forming snow and the rise of the Red River.

    When you got nothing else to blame, you know what to do:

    In other news, an order of custom tall cuff wool cycling socks are on their way from Sockguy, just in time for a fresh season of summer cycling. I'll keep you posted on their pending arrival.

    Sunday, March 22, 2009

    Slick 116km recap

    Another Slick-50 ride come and gone; memories are all that remain.

    It all started out innocently enough at Grumpy's NE:
    Grumpy's #1 - NE

    A short 36 miles later we were at St. Bonnie's amidst a city-wide college party sans the college crowd or college:
    Grumpy's #2, St. Bonifacius

    Amy C.:
    Amy C.

    Another 36 miles and we found ourselves sitting at downtown Grumpy's, ready for food and drink:
    Grumpy's #3, Downtown

    I don't know who invited her, but Suzanne Somers showed; word is she hopped on right before the two hill climbs in Mound.

    "I recommend it, and use it":

    Big kudos for all those dropped but continued on and finished.

    Friday, March 20, 2009

    Forecast Calls for Slick

    Big ride tomorrow, one of my favorites of the year nonetheless. If you're looking to watch my ass get handed to me on a paper plate, stop by and get a photo; though it will cost you a beer, two if it ends up on the internet. And for breakfast, I recommend the cranberry sauce.

    Last year:
    Slick-50 night stop

    I was looking at some old photos the other night and came across a few from the Navy days, including this one take from somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean enroute from Brisbane to Pearl Harbor:
    Pacific Crossing
    While we were only up on the surface a handful of times, I always tried to sneak up there for a bit of fresh air - it's one of the better memories I keep. Even better when the Captain would order an all stop in the middle of the Pacific and let us jump off the side for a swim call. Good times, so thankful it's only a memory now.

    Tuesday, March 17, 2009

    all of a sudden it's nice out

    So last week it's below 0F; today it's in the high 60's (19C). I'm walking the dog around the block this evening, as I do several times a day, but this time something is different - there are people all over the place! Some are walking their dogs, some are just walking, carrying groceries, riding their (fender-less) bicycles (through stop signs), riding their noise ordinance violating motorcycles, you get the idea. My question is why I don't see a single person during the winter months while footing around the neighborhood? My perception is that people sit inside their homes watching television, waiting for warmer weather. I want to be wrong, but what else are people doing? You can ride your bike all year round - it's fun! Shit, winter can be amazing - not just special events but everyday! If you're that damn miserable it's time to think about moving to someplace that provides for happier settings.

    So my March resolution is to have fewer drinking related posts. But it's true they're just beginning to clean up after Saturday night:

    So yes, go get outside. Go get fenders on your bike - it's much cooler not having a stripe of black road grime up your ass than it is to be seen with fenders on your bicycle - it's time to get over this notion that fenders aren't kicking off that cool image or that you're somehow viewed as less extreme with them on. Shit, throw a damn kickstand on there while you're at it - I've got fenders on all my bikes and kickstands on about half - it's the new black, not to mention the dark lord shares my approval.

    If you're still here, I'm looking for a used bike trailer. A Burley type sitting unused in your neighbors garage would be great. Email me over on the right and let's do some dealing.

    Sunday, March 15, 2009

    pie day

    What started out as a quiet night ended with a deviation into debauchery. Made a few stops prior to hitting the Coldsprints. I had a few beers before it was necessary to provide community service to Amy to ensure her safe trip home - if you were there you know what I'm talking about. Deviate to Palmer's where Amy is somehow sitting at the bar with a fresh beer and whiskey. Chatted with the owner of the bar - since 2001, though the bar has been there for more than 100 years, at one time owned by Grain Belt brewery. Four of us rode Amy home in a ride that provided stories that will be told for years. Gene, Charles, and I decide the best course of action is to crash a house party. I think the end of the night self portrait I took explains all. I missed the ride this morning due to sleep and for that I apologize to myself.

    this is it

    I haven't (previlously had not) puked since 2005. I puked tonight.

    Good night. What a night! More in the mind.

    Thursday, March 12, 2009

    Friday the thirteenth

    As far as my ice beards go, this is the first I've seen with formed fangs. Time to shave? Perhaps not.

    Monday, March 9, 2009

    daylight savings is crap

    One year ago I took this photo of my then new steamrolleur. I've since changed the saddle, broke the handlebars, and swapped the wheels. It's my favorite ride; perfect for year-round usage.
    steamroller on forklift

    Today's comedy clip and STD awareness training comes courtesy of lovely Kristin. I lol'd.

    Oh, and it's Doppelgänger. I apologize for the previous typo - I was a bit startled at the automatic shift in time, though I knew quite well it was coming. Living in Hawai'i was beautiful, and there's the whole lack of participation in the government clock control program on the island chain, which is nice. Living in the MPLS would be nicer if we would do the same and refuse to take part in this crazy system put together by the liberal megalomaniac time scientists.

    That's it. Get back to work.

    Friday, March 6, 2009

    Don't forget to adjust your clocks this weekend

    Saturday night - go to this art opening at 1/1. I met Mary a few weeks ago; she's all right and the weather is going to be bright, you've got no reason to stay home now, do you?
    The ArtCrank show will be opening at the same location on four April with some of the (yawn) same artists we've seen during the first two shows, though the artist list is a bit longer this year so we hope that makes up for the repeats. Though I have to admit not seeing most (any) of the posters last year, as the keg seemed to keep my full attention on the back dock. This editorial board would like to see more acceptance of Amy C.'s work, as she was unscrupulously booted out of this and last year's show.

    Linden, with all the camping emails in the inbox, we've gone ahead and ordered this for you. Expect delivery to be forthcoming.

    We never did understand treadmills, especially why somebody would want to pay money to go to a gym to walk in a fixed place with headphones on while watching some shit television show. This happy footed gentleman goes down twice in the comfort of his buddy's home; damn we only wish it was a few seconds longer:

    Tuesday, March 3, 2009

    polar plunge

    So I'm doing what I do; walking in the windy winter cold along the frozen banks of the Mississippi river, dog running alongside, High Life in hand. With the sun nearly down, I decide it a good idea to skip a few stones on the water. After finding a few rocks not frozen or covered in snow, I throw one, two, three before the dog decides the excitement is too great and runs off the ice shelf in the direction of the last splash. Now he hasn't been in the water since the fall season, mind you, and when he does it's not a drop off descent. When he goes off the ice shelf, it's all at once, face first with back feet up in the air before he's submerged. Shit. He's up, you can tell he's a bit surprised at the whole thing. I tell him to come back - his front paws are propped up on the ice, but it's too deep for his back legs to reach the river bottom. Shit. I look up and down the river; no one in site. Shit. I do the lay-down-flat-and-crawl-out-to-him maneuver before reaching my hand under the water and grabbing his harness to pull him up in one swift motion, all the while waiting to splash in myself if the ice sheet were to break. So we're both out of the water - he's twisting himself dry over and over before running around like nothing happened. Fucking dog. Fifteen minutes later his entire outer shell of fur is covered ice, though he's showing no signs of being cold.

    I was going to have people over tonight for beer and food, but forgot to send an invite. Rollin made it, though that was a pure coincidence.

    That's all I got for now.

    the snowball continues to grow as it slams down the hill at breakneck speeds

    Three people in my already small group got laid off today; one at 10:30am, with another at 2:30pm.  If you're gonna let me go, do it early on - shit, text me while I'm still in bed, but don't have me put in a full day before telling me the Bob's want to talk to me in the conference room on my way out.

    Check out these sweet "decked out" commuter bikes given away by 494 commuter services.  I didn't win anything this time around, but I know one person who got a gift card.

    Monday, March 2, 2009

    Monday morning bicycle rampage

    Not sure what this is showing, but you can bet it's enough to ruin your day. The camouflage in the form of tree branches really blends these shooters into their environment, especially matched with the red shirt. And I wouldn't worry about any recoil that might result, just keep riding. So I'm thinking I've only got a shot left of whiskey last night when I open the cabinet and see there's a new 12-year old bottle sitting front and center. Life's little surprises get me every time.

    Good luck out there - give 'em hell before they give it to you.